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July 21, 2005
The mindfulness of limited means
I hate this. When i am of limited financial means, out of necessity i become completely conscious of my consumption needs and impulses. Consumption of food, electricity, gasoline, household items, gifts and other materialistic acquisitions are micromanaged to the extent that even if somewhat by default, creates a really great habit of mindful living. though not my favorite way, the hand-to-mouth lifestyle does afford me this one luxury of staying conscious. Its the best thing about it. What sucks is, how easily it can slip away as soon as a little extra cush comes in. OOOH - some extra bucks so i can buy $5 coffees and eat lunch in restaurants all week. Mindlessly "treating" myself to these indulgences since i'd been so disciplined and frugal all month. It makes no sense that i would choose as my reward a habit energy that is ultimately punishing. The real rewards actually come out of having much less. That is not just some trite romantic notion about being a starving artist. it is an unfortunate state i find myself in as i stay in search of both: a little more consiousness and a little more cushion.
Posted by mary at July 21, 2005 04:50 PM
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